chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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