home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, beer. Big fan.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
