You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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