Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
