i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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