i permit you to call me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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