Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she peed on how many people?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
