Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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