So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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