I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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