Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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