Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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