girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize