JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
