This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
