I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize