Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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