youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
