Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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