I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All the doctor said was why
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
