I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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