Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize