I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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