We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
