Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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