Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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