Soap is not a condiment
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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