I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
