i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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