Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
