You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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