all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
