The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
