He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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