I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
