Can i not drive my cunt home
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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