she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
