Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
