Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
