So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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