porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When are your genitals available?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
