pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
