I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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