you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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