Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
