It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
