So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
