Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
