I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
