hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
