Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They took my balls.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
