the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
