I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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