I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
