I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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