Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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