tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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