Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
