DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
