"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
