Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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