Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
