how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
