I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
