theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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