I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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