How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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