this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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