Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(435): View more from Utah

Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

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(626): View more from California

in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"

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(239): View more from Florida

While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".

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(810): View more from Michigan

Found a pint glass in my snow pants.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN

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(702): View more from Nevada

One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell

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(760): View more from California

Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.

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(702): View more from Nevada

if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now

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(316): View more from Kansas

Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!

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