Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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