i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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