scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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